The Dark Side of Manifesting.

For the past 3 months I have been very much in the underworld, navigating my way through limiting beliefs, old traumas and old behaviours that have clearly been holding me back from manifesting some of my goals.

I have had huge moments of moving forwards and then BAM, I go into freeze mode! Which basically means my body shuts down and I just stop! I cry loads, I hide from the world and I get frustrated. These are all tell tale signs that my subconscious is wanting me to see something that I can’t see. So that I can process it, heal it and then move on as a newer, up levelled version of myself ready to receive my goals.

You see, when you set big goals we need to become the person that matches that goal. For example. If you want to become a millionaire but have never held a million pounds before, your soul knows that to get that million pounds, you need to become the type of person that can handle receiving a million pounds.

If you want something but your subconscious doesn’t believe you can have it, or you’re holding on to beliefs that say that you are greedy wanting that amount of money, who do you think you are etc. Then you’ll find it really hard to receive it, and maybe never receive it. Even if it is on your vision board and you’re saying all the right affirmations!

This week is one of those weeks where my body shut down, I went into freeze mode. I got ill. After a day of feeling like I could barely walk, I then defaulted into frustration - very common for me in these times. And then I remembered my practices. I remembered that I needed to surrender to the stillness, surrender to feeling the darkness and to listen in the quiet.

What followed was extraordinary. And in my world now it wasn't surprising. I had so many realisations and light bulb moments. I sent my coach a very long voice note that talked through what I was processing. We spent the next few hours working through and unravelling what was needing to be healed. I am now in the process of holding space for these traumas, past experiences and beliefs. The fog is lifting and I’m feeling more alive and a sense of liberation.

This work on self growth and working towards your goals is a continued journey. It never ends. Every time I up level on my growth and set new goals there are new challenges, new beliefs hiding in my sub conscious that rise to the surface to be shifted. It isn’t comfortable, it can feel draining and testing but it is all a necessary part of the process.

I used to shy away from feeling the icky, the darkness, the shadows lurking beneath my soul because I loved feeling so awesome all the time. I love the bounce in my step, the bounce in my voice, the happiness I know I can shine and share. But I learned to surrender to the darkness when it came, the stillness, listening to the unknown that was wanting so badly to be seen. These moments want to show themselves so you can move forward. It is harsh kindness.  

It's so important to be brave enough to do the work, to clear and heal blocks that are holding you back from achieving what you really want. It’s important to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Because what is waiting for you when you do the work is divine. It is so much better than you can ever imagine. You were born to grow and to continue growing. Going deeper with yourself is allowing you to be in the presence of your whole self and it helps you to understand yourself and your magnificence. Embrace it.  

Be brave and know that you never have to go on this journey alone. Find someone to support you through the shadows. Someone you trust to hold a loving space for your growth.

And go get your dreams!